We always enjoyed the hot tub experience at hotels years ago … until …
We were in a hot tub with a lady, who said, “This whirlpool is really good for this foot ulcer I’ve got.” She then pushed her foot up out of the water.
It looked like gangrene to both of us nurses. While we had great sympathy for her and were glad she had found something to help, all we could think about was getting out of that water and going to a hot shower!
We rarely got in a hot tub after that. We considered getting a hot tub at home. We tried out so many hot tubs at the store, they stopped asking if they could help us. They just waved and accepted that the strange couple had some sort of compulsion to sit in different hot tubs.
However, as freezing weather hit, we began to rethink our plan. The thought of a nice warm soak was still appealing, but the thought of getting out into a cold world was not.
And then we had an epiphany. Why not have a hot tub of sorts inside! We had already been considering a master bath remodel.
We began to visit the shops and sit in whirlpool tubs. And if anyone from the hot tub store had seen us, I am sure they would have testified at our commitment hearing!😱
Eventually we struck pay dirt. We found a large whirlpool tub with settings so complex it took us months to figure out how to fully use it. It also had different color lights that reflected across the bubbling water.
It was big enough we could both get in at the same time. We had visions of a little spicy romance. The only problem was it took so long to fill the tub up that we were out of the mood before it filled!
After we got it filled, another more pressing problem became evident. We could have sworn we were at the airport. It was so loud we had to yell at each other to be heard. We called the installer, who gushed about the strong motor and the tub’s ability to pull toxins out of the body.
Well … I guess if you really wanted to be in a water powered vacuum cleaner, that would have some merit.
The massage settings were a problem too. The lowest setting was like someone tickling you in a creepy way. The highest setting was like being attacked by a sumo wrestler.
The lights were nice once we figured out how to stabilize them. Initially they kept shifting through the wide variety of colors and light patterns so it was like being trapped in a disco.
Getting in and out was a challenge too. We tried different approaches, but lived in fear of breaking a hip. Also, since there was a large mirror across from the tub, it was not a pretty sight to see an old woman clawing her way out of a tub.
But the biggest problem was the “pond sludge.” Remember that “toxins pulled out of the body” promo. Well, it did indeed do that.
We felt like our insides had been sucked out. We were almost too weak to get out of the tub.
The supposed toxins floated on the top of the water. (We were convinced the sludge was our skin cells, since we emerged from the bath looking like lobsters.)
When we got out of the tub, we were covered in a fine powder, necessitating an immediate trip to the shower.
And so, we finally admitted defeat. We stopped even trying to use the tub. When the occasional guest taking a house tour would comment on what a wonderful tub it was, we would look at each other and smile.
We did not tell them we were considering putting dirt in it and turning it into an indoor flower garden.
And so as the Jones remodeling adventure continues, we are finally getting rid of the tub. We are getting what Jay calls a “car wash shower.” We have had a lot of fun designing it.
As we were planning it, the very young designer suggested we be sure to include adequate hand rails and a bench. I am sure she was thinking of the days ahead when we might get old.
But for now, Jay and I are looking forward to dancing in the shower. Stay tuned for the next episode of the Jones remodeling adventure!