I tend to overthink things. I consider every angle I can think of and become increasingly concerned when I think of another possibility.
I desperately want to make the “right” choice for me and anyone else affected by my choices.
On a positive note, I would like to think this is just good planning. But it really is anxiety plus. It comes from a desire to control every outcome. It comes from a place of doubt and fear.
It also reveals my tendency to believe there is one “right” answer. In fact, most of life is a “both … and.” There is more than one right answer.
I was a hospice nurse for twenty years, so I became very familiar with “end of life” planning. When Jay and I began to consider such issues, I started out all cool and calm … reasonable … researching all kinds of things from estate planning to cemeteries to burials to cremation.
We did come up with some things I still consider reasonable. However, some things still weighed heavily on my mind. I was just not at peace with all our decisions.
One of those issues was cremation versus burial. I did extensive research and documented the whole trip through my thoughts in blog postings called “what to do with a dead body.” (Yeah, that attracted a variety of readers!😱)
Our thoughts led us to conclude cremation was our best option. We planned accordingly. However, as the months have unfolded, some things still troubled me.
Before I go further, please note, any decision we make is not a judgement of anyone else who chooses something different.
And I am not posting anything to invite public debate. So please keep that in mind for any comments. Decisions like this are personal.
I only share my journey to encourage others who also may be experiencing some approach avoidance about the issue.
The answer does not come through research, reasoning or public opinion. It comes through honest, open talks with God and doing what He tells each of us to do.
So when we do not feel at peace with a decision, we should stop the racquet ball game of running after all the options in our mind … and just be still.
It is very difficult for me to be still, but I tried. I tried to clear my mind of all doubts and fears, all pre-conceived notions and any pressures to get everything right.
I also tried to screen out the husband’s comments of “didn’t we already decide what to do” or “how many times do we have to go over this!”
I tried to just hear what God would say to me.
I am now choosing burial instead of cremation. In my next blog posts, I will share more. So if you are interested in my second go round of “what to do with a dead body,” stay tuned.
If not, scroll on past and look for more light hearted things I will post!😍
