I like to think of myself as laid back, easy going, accepting, trusting, full of faith and hope.
So it really bothers me when my family says, “You’re so controlling!” I usually chalk it up to their not understanding that I know what’s best for them. 🙄
However, in my private moments with God, I find myself making many requests that boil down to giving Him ways to make my world exactly as I want it.
Being a nurse does not make me a good patient. I know way too many back stories and things that can go wrong. So as my surgery date approaches this week, I have been making very specific prayer requests to God.
I want to be sure we get there on time with no traffic delays. I need close parking. I don’t want any delays after we get in there. I need good, compassionate caregivers, who will tolerate my needs without thinking I am controlling.🙄
I need someone who can start the IV on the first stick. No poking, prodding, searching for veins. And oh yes, I need them to be sure it is a good vein that is not going to poop out in the middle of surgery and cause me to be more aware than I would like. I am betting the doctor would not want my helpful tips on how to do surgery.
And my prayer requests go on and on. I momentarily paused to be sure I had not left anything off the list. God spoke. When I became aware of Him, I waited for His Words of comfort. Something like “I heard every one of your requests and all your wishes will be granted.”
But that is not what He said.
He said, “Be still, and know that I am God,”
He added, “Repeat after Me, The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want.”
He added, “Am I God or not? Am I in charge or are you?”
He mercifully did not tell me I was controlling.
But then He said, “Trusting Me to be in charge is a choice. David did not say, ‘I will trust you if you assure me you will give me everything I want.’ He knew I was in charge and He said, ‘I shall not want.’
Can you say that, Carolyn?”
I would like to.
So tonight I am committing to choose trust over fear. When God turned up The Light, I could see that all of my requests originated in fear.
But He is God. He is Love.
There is no fear in love. Instead, Perfect Love drives away fear!
1 John 4:18
I really don’t need to ask for anything. I only need to be thankful.
Because The Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need!
Psalm 23:1 (TLB)