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In my continuing quest of whose fault is suffering (see my last post), I now arrive at a very disturbing thought.
If my problem is not anyone else’s fault and it is not God’s fault, it must be my fault.
What did I do wrong? What did I not do that I should have done? Did I somehow mess up so badly that God is now punishing me?
I retrace my steps. I repent again of any sin I can think of and beg God’s Forgiveness of all I might have done that I may have missed.
I live, not only in the misery of this moment, I live in the misery of the past too. And in so doing, this present moment becomes a pit between past regrets and future fears.
The truth is all of my thinking is rooted in my desire to control the outcomes of life. I would resist saying, I want to be God.
But isn’t that what I am doing when I want my will instead of His? Isn’t that what I am doing when I want to control every outcome instead of trusting Him to handle it?
If we wade through the miseries of Job, we arrive at the moment God spoke back to Job.
Did God blame Job and tell him he brought it all on himself? No.
Did God tell Job He was punishing Him for his sins? No.
Did God blame satan? No.
Did God tell Job why everything had happened to him? No.
What did God say? He reminded Job of all the evidence of just one Truth. God alone was God. He alone created or permitted. He alone owned the future.
And if God alone was God, it meant Job was not God. I am not either.
When I realize how awesomely big God is and how small I am, I am overwhelmed. Any power I thought I had shrinks in The Presence of His Power.
But then comes the thought. How will God use all that Power on me?
Satan stands ready to accuse, condemn and tell me God is waiting to punish me. He tells me my present problem is God’s Wrath.
But remember Jesus said satan is the father of lies. God is The Truth.
God is all Power. And He uses that Power to give us Perfect Love, Mercy and Grace.
The Living Bible puts it this way.
We need have no fear of Someone Who loves us perfectly; His Perfect Love for us eliminates all dread of what He might do to us.
If we are afraid, it is for fear of what He might do to us and shows that we are not fully convinced that He really loves us.
1 John 4:18
As I was ruminating on all my sins tonight, I ended up having to repent of being afraid of God and what He might do to me.
Paul said,
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Hebrews 4:16
I wasn’t very confident, but I approached.
And God said, “OK, let’s settle up.”
I gulped.
He said, “Let’s review your sins.”
I wanted to run.
He said, “What did you learn from those mistakes? If you could go back with Me, what would you do differently?”
And so we spent some time together, talking it out. We are not done yet.
But the more we talked, the more the fear melted away. I felt safe. I felt the wonder of forgiveness. I know He is not punishing me (pruning me, perhaps). I know I can trust Him.
He is God.
He is Perfect Love.
He loves me and I love Him.
If you worry about your sins, let God settle the matter. He will settle it, not with punishment, but with Mercy and Grace.
“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says The Lord.
“Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”
Isaiah 1:18
And here’s a thought for reflection. If you could have a re-do with God of all the mistakes you made in life, what would you do differently? What have you learned by being with Him?
