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I have come to the reluctant conclusion that I am in mourning.
I have truly tried to be a “good sport,” strong, courageous, flexible, optimistic. But I am faltering.
I have counted my blessings. I have been extremely thankful for every one.
I have experienced God’s Love and tender care in so many ways.
I have delighted in His Word and felt Him speaking directly to me through His Word.
I have experienced the encouragement and prayers of so many.
So with so many ups, how could I be so down?
The last couple of years of health issues have brought life altering changes for me, not only in my physical body, but also in my lifestyle. God has mercifully guided me through each change.
I have kept moving forward, even if in different ways. I have said, “It’s ok.” But in reality, sometimes I don’t feel ok.
I miss my old life. Today when I looked at pictures of me from even a couple of years ago, I was struck by how different I look and feel now.
I moved from gratitude into thinking of other losses. I miss people. I miss places. The cumulative thoughts almost made me crash and burn.
Satan not only tries to chew away at our ability to feel gratitude, he also tries to rob us of hope for the future. He tempts us to think we should try to cut our losses by giving up now.
I knew that would not be right. I cried out to God for help. He did help me. His method of comfort surprised me.
He began by saying, “I bless you.”
I did not feel blessed.
He continued.
“Blessed are you when you are poor in spirit and you mourn. I will comfort you.”
I realized those were the first ones Jesus addressed in His Sermon on the Mount.
I told Him I felt guilty about mourning. It seemed like I was being ungrateful.
He said, “Do you hurt?”
I said, “You know everything. You know I do. I am sorry.”
He said, “No apologies needed. I know it hurts. My question is why you have not let Me comfort you.”
He then gently added, “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.”
Isaiah 66:13
I remembered all the times my mother comforted me.
Skinned knees, being afraid of the dark, times of weather storms and personal storms.
Soothing words, lullabies, tender touch, hugs, kisses, things that made me feel safe and ready to tackle the world again.
God reminded me again that nothing is ever truly lost with Him. Things change. We grow. We have to be willing to let go of the former things to let the new things appear.
But He said it is ok to take some time to notice the changes and yes, even grieve as we close out chapters of life. But we should remember the end of a chapter is not the end of the book.
In God’s world, there will always be new beginnings.
The time of mourning is not a moral failure. It is a sacred space where we allow God to comfort us and restore our hope for the future.
So I am in mourning right now. But I am also being comforted by The One Who is the Ultimate Comforter.
And I share my journey so that you too may receive His Comfort.
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:3-4
As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.
Isaiah 66:13
The Comforter, Which is The Holy Spirit, Whom The Father will send in My Name, He shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
John 14:26
